I'm working on my attitude. I'm working on my gratitude. I'm giving myself the grace to acknowledge that this is a hard season of my life. We're in the newborn phase. My body has undergone major changes, as have my brain and hormones. It's okay to acknowledge that and feel those feelings. I don't want those feelings to become my entire perspective. It's a slippery slope for me.
Let's turn it around for a few. Let's look at all the good shit I have going on.
I have a son. A son! You know, I wasn't sure if I wanted to be a mom for many years. I thought maybe I'd be good at it (still to be determined). I guess I always knew I wanted to be, but I wasn't sure if I was meant to be, or if I'd ever be ready to be. I've learned that no one is ever ready to me. Sure, some people spend their entire lives planning to become a parent. Those people slip into parenthood easier than the rest of us. Those of us that didn't spend the first act of our lives preparing for parenthood, honestly, I think it's probably a funnier ride (not more fun, but funnier, because we are fumbling all over this bitch). Now that I am a mom, I can't think of my life being any other way. He's a beautiful, chubby little baby. He coos. He smiles (at Daddy only apparently, but that's okay). Everyone who meets him loves him. He is a world-class cuddler. He has changed me in every way. He was worth the whole "growing a human in my body" thing. He was worth the entire, insane experience of labor and delivery, and the recovery.
I have a husband! I have a partner whom I have been blessed to know for over half my life. How many people these days get to start building their lives with their forever partner as early as we did? We have our ups and downs - that's just on having a relationship. We've been through some shit. We've been through some pretty incredible things. We have literally been a part of each others highest highs and lowest lows. We have loved each other for almost two decades, even when we've fought and been heartbroken or just straight up broken. I am the first to admit I am not always the easiest to love. I can be stubborn. I can be complicated. I can be a bulldozer and I can be very dramatic. The fact that I have a husband that rides the wave that is Grace does not go over my head. I see it every day. I appreciate it every day. I should probably get better about saying it.
I have a dog! I have a big, crazy, silver, velcro dog who can't stand to not be touching one of us. He is so, so silly. He loves fetch and he loves keep-away. He adores tug of war. He wants to share his toys because he wants to share his joy. How beautiful is that? He is getting sooo good at cuddling. He loves our baby. He deserves all the treats and the butt scratchin's. He is a very, very, certifiably good boy.
I have a job! I have money coming into my bank. My bills are paid. I have the opportunity to put my brain to use on a daily basis, and I feel pretty good about the future of my career.
I have a home! I have a place to lay my head at night where I am safe and warm. My family is able to have dinner at the table and spend time together. My son has a safe place to learn about the world.
I have parents and in-laws, and good relationships with them! They are supportive of our decisions and they are in love with our son. They are a safe place for me to go when I need support. They listen to me and love me without conditions.
I have pants that fit! It has not always been so for me.
I have a nice car that gets me where I need to go.
I have shoes on my feet with no holes in the soles.
I have pictures all around my home of memories with my family that bring me great joy.
I have shelves in my living room that my husband and dad put up for me, and they bring me great joy. I love shelves.
I was able to get my son down for a nap (very proud of that!) and I used that nap as a TikTok break. I had things to do and I chose to relax. Technically, that is a thing I needed to do too. I am grateful for opportunities to relax however I can.
I may bitch a lot. It's one way I learned to process the world around me. That doesn't mean I don't recognize my life is honestly pretty bitchin'.
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