Some of my favorite stories my parents would tell us growing up were about how absolutely chaotic we were as small children. They still make me laugh to this day. Even having now had a colicky child myself, listening to my dad describe my colic days gives me a good giggle. I look forward to giving RB a good ribbin' for how he was in his infancy.
Like how he only pees on me. Only on Mom. Rarely Dad. Once, maybe twice, he's peed on Dad. He pees on me weekly. I don't like to be peed on, like I'm not one of those people who seek out the opportunity to be peed on. No judgement if that's you (more confusion and concern for you, honestly, but no judgement), but it's just not me. I do however get a pretty good laugh when RB does it. Here's how it typically goes: I'll be changing his diaper as one does, and I will never learn that one must cover up the culprit if one does not want to get peed on. I live life on the edge. So, I don't cover him up, leaving him the prime opportunity to do what he does best. Then, he will do what he does best. He will pee. Then I will yelp, because I am never expecting it! That will then startle him and he will stop! Next follows a lot of nervous giggling on my part. My giggling relaxes him, and he resumes his release. I laugh more, because I've mostly done this to myself, throw a diaper on top of what's happening, and let him do his thing. Clean up ensues and once it's all over, everyone is fine and dry. I feel I should also say so far as I know, we don't smell like pee. I really try to avoid that.
Or how he is in the morning. He is a smiley thing, but he is a freakin' gasbag. Yes, I said it. My son apparently prefers to save that action for the morning. So we get up, we have a bottle, and then I lay him on his favorite surface on this big, green earth - the changing pad. I honestly wish we could all have something that makes us as happy as that changing pad makes this baby. It's incredible. Then begins his favorite game of the day. I wiggle his legs and bend them and wiggle them and bend them. He smiles and stretches and lets it all out. It is honestly so funny. My mom watched us do this yesterday morning and she laughed so hard, she had to kneel. He is a literal toot toot train in the morning. Gas powered engine. Very good attitude though.
If you don't have a kid, you probably think this is gross. Here I am laughing about getting peed on and de-gassing my kid. You're right, really. It is gross. This is what happens when you become a parent. You start to think the disgusting things your child does is funny. It's entertainment. It's insanity. It's love.
Those days that I get peed on, especially when I am wearing an outfit I like or it happens as I'm walking out the door, they're not bad days. They seem like bad moments when it happens. Those days make for funny stories. Stories I can share with his grandparents, and him eventually. Stories I can tell at his high school graduation party and at his wedding and watch him go red in the face.
I look forward to all the insane, silly, annoying things this kid will do. Will he be like Mommy and bring a literal ant pile into the house and spread it all around? Will he be like Daddy and refuse to wear anything but a black turtleneck for years on end? In both cases, I honestly hope so. It'll give me gray hairs and it will probably make wine taste a little sweeter some evenings, but it will be so worth it.
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